I got these text messages from my dad after my mother confessed he wasn’t actually my biological dad. I’m 31 years old and this is the first I knew of it.

More to me then any jewel that can be found, love always Papa

This is the last Christmas card I ever got from my dad. He had a fatal stroke on the day before Christmas 5 years ago. He was right – I’ve had some amazing adventures since – a doctorate, a Fulbright, a ton of travel, lots of love and now totally ready to work on the toughest of problems.

Ironically, I also don’t sleep much… My research assistants always laugh when I send them emails at 3 am. But I’m dreaming up solutions to problems and they just can’t wait…

          

—email—
Hi Frank,

I’ve been following PostSecret now for over a decade and this is my first e-mail to you.

I’m writing in response to one of the Father’s Day secrets. The one that says the dad wasn’t a good man to his son when he was young, but that he’s trying to do better now and it’s hard. I wanted to let him know that he shouldn’t stop trying to find ways to connect.  Please be patient and please don’t stop trying. The nature of any relationship is built on much more complex circumstances than can be realized without time, effort, understanding, and forgiveness. Your son needs time to work through his experiences and feelings too, and hopefully he’ll get there (and maybe he won’t). Either way, don’t stop showing up in all the little and big ways.

Oddly, I discovered PostSecret when my dad and I were asked to do voice-overs for one of the promo videos for the “A Lifetime of Secrets” book release. The secret he read was about fatherhood. Mine was about fate. Years later, when I went to visit the PostSecret exhibit at the National Postal Museum, the secrets we read were displayed right next to each other. I started crying right in the middle of the museum. I’ve attached them to this e-mail. Truly, it’s all in the little things. If you can’t read them the first ones says, “If you’re waiting for a sign. . . this is it. Do it. It will be amazing. The other postcard read, “I LOVE HER ANYWAYS” and on the other side was a black and white sonogram with the words, “I know she’s not mine.”

My Dad sent this message to me the night before I was supposed to fly home from a trip to Paris. . . He died last year. I listen to this message every time I fly now.

 

Almost 4 years ago I heard a voicemail on PostSecret from a girl’s deceased grandmother singing to her. I decided that I wanted to keep voicemails from my loved ones just in case. I am so very thankful that secret because now I have my dad’s voice to listen to. he passed away 4 years ago.

 

I saved many voicemails from my dad and made them into this piece of artwork. He died on Valentine’s Day.
This is my favorite piece of artwork I’ve ever made

 

[Listen to more or share your voicemail message at the PostSecret Digital Museum of Secrets.] 

I asked PostSecret followers to suggest questions that I could ask my dad for an unforgettable interview. More than 1,000 questions came back.

This was the original post:

I was thrilled with all the thoughtful questions shared with me, from the delightful to the profound. I read them all and picked 25 to ask my father. At a family dinner the night before our day of tandem paragliding, as an experiment, I peppered three into our conversation. . . it didn’t go well.

Like many families, ours was far from perfect, with divorce and estrangement being a part of it. So when other family members began responding to some of my father’s answers, long-buried feelings and some judgement turned the interview sour. Because of that learning experience, I changed some of my questions and gained three insights for when I would try again the next day.

• Avoid questions about regrets or mistakes. Instead, start with questions that include the word “favorite”, like, “What’s your favorite decade and why”?
• Try to keep the questions open-ended and let responses spark other questions naturally. Aim for a flowing conversation rather than an interview.
• Really listen. . . No, really listen.

On the two hour drive to the Gliderport the next day, it was just my father and me in the car. I told him how much it meant to me to go through these questions and get to know him better. He was game so I cautiously started. He passed on some of the questions, but then really began to share a lot with me, including a secret. He even started asking me some of the same questions! The spirit in the car was supportive and generous, with some heartfelt laughs as we used questions as prompts for our once-in-a-lifetime conversation.

Even though we were unable to do any gliding because of wind conditions, I’ll never forget that day and the new appreciation I discovered for my father. I can’t reveal the secret he told me but another part of our conversation shocked me. I asked this gentle and caring man; “What is the most common misconception people have about you?” He said. “When I was ten-years-old, my mom spanked me for the last time. I don’t think you know how stubborn I was then but you do know how stern your Grandmother could be. I remember through my tears and pain looking at my mother and saying, with spite, ‘I like getting spanked’!”

Here are the 25 questions that guided our conversation.

~~~

Do you have a favorite snack, song, television show, recipe, comedy?

Can you tell me about your best friend when you were a kid and one of your adventures?

Can you describe a favorite memory about a family member?

What is the oldest story you know about our ancestors?

Is there something about me that you have always wanted to know but have never asked?

If this were to be our very last conversation, is there anything you would want to say to me?

What is your first memory?

Did you ever get into trouble as a kid? What happened?

If there was a biography of you, how would you want to be described?

What choice are you thankful that you did not make?

What is the best advice you remember from your father?

Is there anything you wish you had said to someone but didn’t have the chance?

Can you teach me something?

What is something you would like me to ask you?

What do you wish you would have spent less time worrying about?

What is something you deliberately did not tell me as a child and why?

What is the best part of your day? What makes you feel most alive?

What is the last thing you changed your mind about?

What things helped you get through a difficult time in your life?

Over the course of your life, what trip or place was most special? Why?

What would you like to re-experience again because you did not appreciate it enough the first time?

Can you tell me something about yourself that I don’t know that you think would surprise, shock or delight me?

What habits served you the most through life?

What is the best mistake you have made, and why?

What do you hope my siblings and I have learned from you?

How are you doing right now? Is there anything on your mind right now that you’d like to talk about?

~~~

(When my father visits again, I’ll be sure to have his favorite comedy and snack ready.)

~~~

(from my inbox)

The ‘Museum of Us’ in San Diego has expanded the PostSecret Exhibition to include “Naked Mail”. Secrets written and mailed on objects, not postcards.

The potato and knife mailed to PostSecet with secrets are not on view, but you will be able to see the artificial banana, (packaged) condom, coconut, license plate, shirt, roller skate, the original PostSecret mailbox, and more.

To: “frank” <frank@postsecret.com>
Dear Frank-

Twelve years ago I mailed in my license plate with the message “I don’t know where my home is” scrawled on the front. I had just dropped out of college and moved across the country to live with my dad. A lot has changed since then, but some things haven’t.

My life imploded (again) and I found myself back in my dad’s house; I changed careers, graduated college, and went to grad school. But that secret has followed me for a decade, often featured on the website or exhibits.

It popped up a few weeks ago and I thought “nothing has changed, I’m still just that lost kid” and then I realized how wrong I was. I’m not sure that I feel any more at home here now than I did back then, but something has changed. I found home in myself. Finally the skin that I live in feels like enough. Thank you for being a place of growth, love, and acceptance for all these years.

-Erica

Hi Erica, 

Thanks for your secret! I remember receiving that “naked mail” over a decade ago and yes it has been shared many times; on the web, in my PostSecret talks, and in museums from the Smithsonian to the Museum of Us. 

I know many people have felt a connection to your secret and I believe many will now relate to your story behind it. Courage is contagious and I believe your story will inspire others to tell their truth – and take that first step in their journey. 

Your secret definitely has a home, so glad you found yours. 

Be well,
-Frank

---

Visit the online exhibition of audio secrets to hear a collection of voicemails from friends, parents, brothers, sisters, partners, loved ones. Some are funny, many are brief and heartfelt.

Listen here. Or upload your own voicemail, story, and photos.

Our profound gratitude to everyone who contributed their emotional voicemail, photos, and soulful story. Special thanks to exhibition curator, Savannah Morin, and the team at WordPress. This exhibition was made possible with the generous support of the PostSecret Patreons.

—–frank(@)postsecret.com—–

Dear Frank-
My boyfriend knew I was a PostSecret fan and a couple of days before Christmas this was in a package on my porch. It was the most thoughtful and unexpected gift. Thanks Rod and Frank!

All six PostSecret books are still in hardcover are available from Amazon, Barnes & Noble or your favorite Independent bookstore. Order now in time for the Holidays.