—frank@postsecret.com—
Dear Frank,

It must be so strange for you to experience tiny little snapshots of so many people’s lives. You must wonder what happens after folks send in their secrets. So, here’s an update, in case you’re interested:

A long time ago, I sent in this secret. 

It was months before you posted it, so I didn’t immediately recognize it as mine. It was a surreal moment going from “Gosh, that sounds familiar” to “Wait, I wrote that!” Seeing it again helped me to see how little had changed and I think it was definitely a catalyst for introspection. 

Unfortunately, things didn’t change in the long run. He truly did want to change, but he didn’t have the capacity. His trauma was too great. He’s finally getting the help he needs, but there is no undoing the damage to our relationship.

Despite all this, I didn’t leave him. It has now been 23 years.

This isn’t exactly a happy story, but it isn’t a tragic one either. This is because I stopped waiting for him to change. Instead, I changed and I am now living my life on my terms. He is still part of my life, but he is no longer my whole life. I reclaimed my power and my agency. Today, I choose to keep him in my life because I enjoy his companionship and because his friendship is important to me. What we share isn’t exactly a marriage anymore (not by my definition of marriage, anyway) but it is still a good life. It’s complicated and it’s messy, but it’s also worthwhile.

So, that’s my update. Thanks for being our secret-keeper, Frank.

~~~

Thanks for your soulful story. I really appreciate when I get updates.

I feel very fortunate to be trusted to see so many snapshots of people’s lives. I wish that by seeing so many secrets, I could offer you some wisdom or solace. Maybe the best I can do is share some of the courageous stories similar to yours that reveal that so many of us have our own complicated and messy lives.

I hope some of the people who wrote those secrets will read your update and be inspired by your example of acceptance, agency, and change. I know I am.

A secret doesn’t have to be the end of the story.
-Frank